I saw the OneDirection Movie yesterday. This post needs no further explanation.

Alas, here are things I would really like to be right now, raising my chances of being close to Harry Styles to all new heights.

1. I would really like to be the special little fuzz inside your coat pocket.

2. I want to be the captain of this ship.

3. I want to be the Green Bay Packers, so you’d wear my face on your shirt.

4. I need to be this koala, now, so I would never need to walk and you’d like to hug me.

5. I could handle being this pillow.

6. I REALLY need to be this loaf of bread.

7. It would be amazing if I could be whatever it is you’re psychotically staring at.

8. Can I please be this strange noise?

9. I want to be an eyebrow so you would point at me and that would force your arm into a flexing motion.

10. I mean I’ll be the car or the photographer or the one that you’re looking at. I don’t know, I’ll take anything at this point.

11. Hello, I am the pilot of this aircraft, flying us to our honeymoon.

12. I WANT TO BE AN ELF. I WANT TO BE SANTA. I WANT TO BE A GIFT. I WANT TO BE THE NORTH POLE.

13. I want to be an animal rights activist so I would tell you your shirt was inappropriate and you should probably slowly put it down.

14. Hello, I would like to be a Rabbi.

15. When all else fails, yes Harry, I would just like to be your girlfriend.